A Lost/Heroes/Anything-else-I decide-to-throw-in Comedy Crossover

[Lupinbell]

Here it is. The story I refer to in my sig. Just a few things before we start:

• The timeline of any show featured means nothing to me. If someone's dead they will come back for this story
• I'll be updating it in maybe weekly installments
• Please leave comments and suggestions here. I'll read them all and use things I like.
  • Anything goes here. I'll fit it in somehow
• DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to their respective copyright holders
• At the moment I don't have a name for this series. Post ideas for that here too.

I think that’s all, so on with the show!

Part 1: Intro

Chapter 1

Some light guitar music is playing in a pub somewhere.

Hiro: And then I stab him. Bang!

Sylar: with a puzzled expression Bang?

Hiro: Yeah bang. He Looks serious

Sylar: Whatever. The point is you didn't get my heart, so I survived to **** you all off for another season or three.

Peter: But what happens then? Remember 5 Years Later?

Sylar: Freezes Peter

Ethan: Very nice..... We should go on a murderous rampage sometime and see where it takes us ....

Sylar: Err.... No. I don't go that way

Noah Bennet: Calm down Gray. We're all friends here. He melts the ice around Peter with a flamethrower.

You don't get that yet Noah.

Noah: Yes I do. Points Flamethrower at Lupinbell

Hold on I'll check my notes..... Yeah you can have that for now

Noah: <Serious Face>

Fine. Keep it. Anyway, back to Peter.

Peter: Regenerates various burns while shouting "hot hot hot"

Sylar: Sorry Noah. I just get bored sometimes, I was meant to be someone.....

Locke: Same here. No one took me seriously

They go over to a separate table and spend the rest of the part talking about who had a better destiny

The music stops

DL: Thank God for that. I need some gangsta rap. [Author's note: I needed to have a token balck guy. I couldn't help myself. Just imagine him talking in a “gangsta” voice]

Hurley: To the guy on stage: Ignore him dude, that was good, really beautiful

Charlie: Thanks man. He leans in towards the mic. This next song is called "Running the Gauntlet of Life" He takes out a BC Rich [Google it] and takes on a Screamo voice

Jessica: This is... Interesting........

Ben: Has his arm around her I didn't know he'd play this. More Vodka? He pores several shots

Jessica: Stuff that. She drags him off screen by his shirt. X-rated scenes follow

Sawyer: Well I'll be. Bug Eyes scored. Where are my glasses? I don't believe what I'm seeing.

Nathan: You are seeing it. That or Candice has gone mad…

Mohinder: The mind boggles.

Eko: I agree. Anyway, back to the game. Flush. He lays 5 hearts I win gentlemen

Sawyer: Oh no ya don’t Rambo. 4 of kind. I win

Danielle: Watching on Don’t play cards with a con man. How can you beat them at gambling

Sawyer: You don’t sweetheart

Danielle: slaps Sawyer hard

Meanwhile on the other side of the pub…

Micah: Hey Dad! I got this cash from the machine

DL: You used your power! What have I told you about that?

Micah: Ok ok. I’ll put it back (into my account) He goes back over to the cash machine

Richard Alpert: looks over at DL.That kid of yours seems pretty special; if you want I can help him. It’s a kind of…………… Boarding School if you like

Jessica: Looks over from Ben. If you do, I’ll kill you. She goes back to ravaging Ben

The door opens.

???: I never knew Cork was so dark and wet.He looks around the pub as if looking for someone. So this is where you’ve been John!

Locke: Oh great. You’re here.

[monster-eats-pilot]

That's really good

Originally Posted by LupinBell

Richard Alpert: looks over at DL.That kid of yours seems pretty special; if you want I can help him. It’s a kind of…………… Boarding School if you like

[firebreathingfishies]

lol at Alpert! That was funny

[lost-lover]

Brilliant and hilarious! Love Alpert.

[Lupinbell]

OK, the edit button is gone. So I'll post a new ending here:

The door opens.

???: I never knew Cork was so dark and wet.

Peter: I was wondering about that, I always though Ireland was green and sunny

Kaitlin: I blame Tim Kring for that one. It was fine til he showed up

???: That works. He looks around. There you are John!

Locke: Oh great. You’re here . Is the screaming fan girl army for you or the Stupid one?

Boone: Looks up from his Appletini. They're with him. Mines nowhere near that big. He points at a small handfull of girls in the corner. Thats what happens when you've been dead for over 3 seasons.

???: OK Locke, now we've shown I'm better than him, time for payback. Medical Style!

Who is ???, Will Sawyer ever lose? Will Richard get Micah? Where is this story going? Find out next time!

Thanks for the praise guys. Don't worry about Alpert, the way I've got it planned, he'll get his chance.

Chapter 2 coming sometime over the weekend if can can be bothered to write it.

[monster-eats-pilot]

Oooooo can't wait

[firebreathingfishies]

lol Boone and his tiny group of fangirls

[Lupinbell]

Yeah I thought that new ending was better. Anyway, time for:

Chapter 2

While drinking/gambling/tapping that in a Cork pub the casts of Lost and Heroes have had their lives interrputed by a stranger looking for Medical Payback (whatever that is) from John Locke.

Locke: Medical Payback? As long as there's no probes I'm OK with it. I have 1 question for you though. Why?

???: Jeremy Bentham was a great man. He influenced a hero of mine and by extension is also my hero. I'm here to fix the fact you used his name.

Guessed who it is yet guys?

Locke: I have. And I'm ready for it Jack.

Jack: Ok. 1 thing, don't scream, it leads to awkward questions

Locke: Shaking with rage Don't tell me what I can't do! He jumps across the table at Jack, who has pulled a scalpel out of nowhere, leading to scenes of violence not suitable for a family forum

DL: I may be a Gangsta, but random violence belongs in shows like Waking the Dead, we use fighting for Self-Defence or World Domination, not petty vengence.

They ignore him, cutting, crying and shouting occurs until Eko and Bennet exchange looks. They use the telepathy that links all true Badasses to make a decision. Eko gets up and goes over to the fight.

Eko: Throws Jack to the ground, but is too slow to stop Locke landing a few AWESOME blows that shatter Jack's nose, ribs and possibly cause a Kidney to rupture.
I don't know what started this, but I am finishing it with my pure Badassery.
He lifts Locke off Jack and hold him up with one hand
Have drink, and talk it over. If there is anymore fighting you will both be thrown into a pocket Anime dimension

Bennet: To battle it out in a world of impossible Physics and overly large swords

There was an Alpert scene here, but it interrupted the flow too much. I might post it later

Locke: Who only has a single cut over his eye. Fair enough. He looks down at Jack Had enough payback?

Jack: a bloody pulp on the floor. For now. Luckily I'm a doctor, so using the first Plot Device crossover I heal myself with RPG and FPS skills. In a display of healing that would make Adam Monroe insaner with envy, he is standing up perfectly fine.

I can't let you die yet anyway. The story has barely started. This is just the Pilot

Charlie: Sorry mate. You just got smashed for nothing.

Jack: Great

Locke: To make up for it, I'll get the next round in. Cailtin! Same again please!

How did Locke beat Jack? Where did DL's intelligence come from? Where are all the people yet to be shown?
Now the pilot's over, will this go somewhere?

Find out next time!

I'm going to ask again, if people have any ideas please please please post them.

EDIT: I know it's short, but Chapter 3 should be pretty long to make up for it.

[firebreathingfishies]

lmao I love Bennett & Eko's telepathic badassary

I think Nathan should fly in the window drunk as a skunk, but he flies into the window and Walt is sitting on the other side

[lost-lover]

Telepathic badass Eko!

[monster-eats-pilot]

FBF

[Lupinbell]

Originally Posted by firebreathingfishies

I think Nathan should fly in the window drunk as a skunk, but he flies into the window and Walt is sitting on the other side

I tried.

Part 2: Bad Starts
Chapter 3

[Notes: coloured text = power and/or awesomeness.]

After Jack and Locke fight in an encounter that leaves them both totally fine (well apart from a cut) they make up over a few drinks and the others continue doing whatever it was they were doing…

Peter: I bet I can fly round Ireland faster than you

Nathan: So drunk he can’t lie on the floor without something to hold on to. You’re on!

They fly off into the sky. A few moments later Nathan crashes through the roof of the BeerGarden’s gazebo where Alpert and Micah are discussing teleportation

Alpert: Our Ilan… I mean school can move itself

Micah: Yeah right. You’re talking sh---

Thankfully this is when Nathan landed, and he started shouting at Micah.

Nathan: You’re right I have work to do. Thanks little back kid who appeared from nowhere [Again thanks for the idea FBF, it was too good to pass up, I had to change it slightly so it fits, but the idea’s still there]

Anyway, that’s the best part of all things that happened since last episode, time for re-enter real time.

A Portal opens in the middle of the bar. A collective hush falls over all assembled as 3 people step out of it.

Hiro and Mohinder: Father!

Locke, Ben and Alpert: Boss?

Kaito Nakamura, Chandra Suresh and Jacob have appeared; wearing a Kimono, a lab coat and a very neat suit respectively. They all look deadly serious.

Kaito: We have a vital mission for you all. The great enemy is extending its reach

Hurley: Big Brother’s been renewed for 10 more series on BBC?

Kaito: nope

Ben: Travel shows? Those always make me worried…

Kaito: Worse.

Boone: They’re banning fan girls. The other all stare at him. What? I don’t want to lose the few I’ve got left. If people remember me its more likely I’ll come back.

Jacob: He has a very smooth voice. No. Slightly worse even than that. Collective gasp from all those gathered. It is…

Locke raises a hand.

Jacob: *sigh* Yes John?

Locke: What’s with the suit?

Jacob: You really believed I’d wear robes on a mission of vital importance?

Locke: Kaito is.

Jacob: Whatever. It doesn’t matter. As I was saying, the great enemy is here. Sky is making its move. It will soon own all good TV shows.

Everyone relaxes

Sylar: That’s it? I thought they were adding “net” to the end of their name or something

Hiro: Therefore there is battlestar galactica in those, The excellence which is them. All of Hiro’s text is run through a translator program. This explains the weirdness that will come from him



Jacob: The Sky Corp is the richest broadcaster group in the world. They will buy all good TV shows leaving respectable networks with bad Daytime TV

Chandra: And Soaps.

Sylar: I can’t afford Sky. We have to stop them, if I watch too many soaps I’ll go on a killing spree that’ll make Maya look like a hippie convention.

Nathan: Can’t we just drink?

Kaito: Anything else that distracts from TV will be banned. No booze, music, art, films or baking. Only TV

Nathan: No Booze! I’m in! Let’s take these b******* down!

Kaito: Know you know the true seriousness of the situation; are there any other questions?

There is silence. Then a window shatters.

Peter: What did I miss?

Danielle: I’ll fill you in later

Kaito: Then it is decided. Sky shall fall by the hand of the group known as the Anti Sky Squad! Heroic Music plays

To be continued

Hurley: That name spells ASS

Chandra: This will go so well.

[monster-eats-pilot]

Originally Posted by Lupinbell

Locke raises a hand.

Jacob: *sigh* Yes John?

Locke: What’s with the suit?

Jacob: You really believed I’d wear robes on a mission of vital importance?

Locke: Kaito is.

It's really good

[lost-lover]

Brilliant. I love drunk Nathan!

[firebreathingfishies]

lmao that's class!

There should be a drunk Nathan and a drunk Jack beard-off